@Nicolelise

Today I ran into someone I knew while I was out with my three kids. My husband was at work and today was one of the days I decided to get out of the house, get some fresh air, and break up the routine of being home with three young kids all day. It was a beautiful day, I had gotten enough sleep thanks to my 10 month old not waking up multiple times during the night. I was feeling pretty good, everyone’s hair was already combed so it was a low maintenance morning, which already set the stage for a good day.

We went to the library for story time. Today it was quite empty compared to the large crowd that’s normally there the times we have gone in the past. But hey, I’m not complaining. After story time was over, we lingered behind for a while because my two girls enjoy playing with the different toys they have there, so why not. 

We took a bathroom break, and as we’re making our way back to the play area, I run into someone I knew. Someone I haven’t seen in a while. We’re basically good acquaintances, & facebook friends that may happen to see each other at mutual acquaintances events. All good vibes, nothing bad, just distant acquaintances lol.

“Hey how are you doing?!” we exclaim simultaneously while giving each other a hug. 

“Wow look at you and your family!” she says. “you’re by yourself?”

I say yea, and I can tell there’s something behind the “yea” that came out of my mouth. 

Almost a “why is it hard to believe I’m out with my kids alone?”. Like… am I suppose to not be out with my kids alone because there’s more than 1? Whatever the many thoughts and feelings behind it, I sure felt them in my “yea”.

We then exchance small talk with her asking how old my youngest is now, stating how big he’s gotten. You know, the normal exchange when you don’t really have much to say to someone lol.

She then asks “so you’re like a stay at home mom now?” 

I reply “yea for now”.

“How’s that?” is her next question.

My response – “It’s ok” lol. Because if I were to say “it’s the best thing in the world!!!” I would be lying lol.

I mean is it great that I get to spend time with my three little kids all day instead of wondering if they’re safe and well taken care of with strange day care workers – of course! 

BUT is being home with three little kids 4 and under a mentally demanding job where sometimes I feel like I’m on autopilot when I have to pretend to be excited about them building a tower, or pooping in the toilet, or coloring scribbles that are suppose to be a house- yes.

She then tells me her daughter is at school, insinuating a “I could never” vibe.

“When do you get free time?” is her next question.

I then explain how my husband has x amount of off days so it doesn’t appear I have zero free time, although the majority of the time I don’t!

The conversation wraps up from there and we go our separate ways. 

But I walked away feeling a certain way. -Not because I thought she was rude, I just felt misunderstood.

I don’t know if I was annoyed because a non-stay at home mom, asked me when do I get free time, or if I felt like the stigma of being a SAHM is misunderstood.

If I met another SAHM, I wouldn’t ask her about when they get free time. Because I’m pretty sure most of our answers would be somewhere from “when I can” to “when I make time” to “it’s not every day”, to “far and in between” catch my drift?

I think fellow SAHMs get it. We’re all trying to keep our kids happy, healthy and alive while keeping our own mind and body in tact too.

It’s when people who don’t walk out that life ask questions. Because if you’ve never lived it, you couldn’t possibly understand. Especially when you have 1 kid, or even 2 kids, there is a difference to the level of …what’s a good word …there’s a difference in the patience one must have, the energy, the intentionality, everything. 

What’s the saying? “THERE’S LEVELS TO THIS”.

I had my oldest at the start of covid, so after my maternity leave I was working from home, and caring for her – some days solo. My husband even traveled four- six weeks at a time for work when she was under 2, and I was still working remotely, just me and her at the house thugging it out every day.

Can we say that was easier than being a SAHM of three? The relief that is felt now when my husband is home, is like no other!

I think that inferior feeling tried to creep up on me when asked “so you’re like a SAHM now?”

Not because I don’t see the value in it, but because others who are not SAHM don’t understand, and even trying to explain when I do or don’t get free time is like explaining heart surgery to a pilot.

And I think that’s still something I have to remind myself of- although I may not be physically bringing in a direct deposit for all the hard work I do day in day & day out, around the clock, I am depositing into my kids foundation while they are young, every day, in hopes that it pays off for their future self. 

Because let’s be real, being a Stay at Home Mom is NOT about yourself. It’s about your kids.  It’s a sacrifice. Those who get it, get it. And those who don’t, don’t. And I’m still learning you gotta be ok with that.